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About Me
My name is Sarah. I'm 24, think like I'm 40, but still retain the dreamer of a five year old. I can spend all day with my head in the clouds, then turn around and start planning bills or making sure everything is done that needs to be. I can talk myself out of just about any purchace. But don't take me to the store with you. I may be able to talk myself out of what I want, but I can't talk you out of buying something you want. In fact, I'll probably encourage it. Or I'll buy it for you. This stemmed from my parents' divorce. I became really money cautious when it came to my dad buying me things. So I can talk myself out some something very simply with "I don't need it." But my friends. Oh I spoil them. If I have money, anything they want they get. Even if it's some silly little trinket I saw at the gas station that reminded me of them. That's my weakness, buying things for my friends.

I take things to extremes and have been that way since I was young. But I can be calm most of the time, depending on what I'm doing. I can multitask but if I'm really into what I'm doing I end up getting so sucked in that I can't multitask at all. Like if I play a video game and get sucked in, I won't hear you if you're talking to me. You actually have to tell me to pause it. I am amazed by the silliest things. I'm always eager to learn something new and will throw myself into it completely. I'll try just about anything once, give almost anything a chance. I love food. I love to eat new foods that friends suggest. I love to cook but my options are limited. But if you teach me, I'll make it as many times as needed to master it. And I'll make it whenever you want it.

I'm very motherly. If someone gets sick, I'm all over them making sure they are resting. I'll wait on them hand and foot. I'm what you would call a server. Not a servant, because I do it out of choice and I want to do it. It doesn't matter how tired I am, say you want a soda from the kitchen, I'll jump right up and get it. It's just how I am. My ex told me that I let people take advantage of me when I do that. But I just don't see it that way. Even my friends say that they treat me like a slave sometimes but they're wrong. I do everything I do because I want to. Even if it's to make someone else happy not me, I'll do it because I want to. That's just how I am. Maybe I do take it overboard sometimes, but I trust my friends and know they wouldn't have me do something dangerous or stupid. Gah I can't explain it properly.

I'm overweight and I don't care. It took years to accept this body and love myself for it. I'm not about to throw that away because someone thinks I'm fat. Or thinks I would be just so pretty if I lost the weight. (and hooked up with me because of that) Forget that. My friends love me, my family loves me, and the person I'm supposed to be with will love me regardless of my weight. Beauty is not about being thin. It's not about having a pretty face. It's about your heart. If your heart is in the right place, you're beautiful. I don't think I'm beautiful on the outside, but I do think I have a cute face. I like my eyes and my hair. Everything else is meh. But God gave me this body and I can do more than most people my size because I push myself. So I have accepted myself and love myself.

If you see me on the street, chances are I'm smiling. I smile most of the time. The littlest things make me happy. Like how blue the sky is, or the little star that is twinkling all alone in the sky, or the ladybug that landed on me when I went outside. I'm an optimist. The glass is always half full. If I see it as half empty, look out. When I get down, it's bad. I'll mentally beat myself up over and over. I have self esteem but very little self confidence when it comes to guys. As much as I like someone, chances are I see myself as not good enough for them. But I know I can make someone happy. I just know that in my heart.

I can't bear to part with the rose colored glasses. I probably should, at my age. But I just can't seem to do it. I think I'm afraid that if I did, I would no longer be able to see the beauty this world has. Maybe I don't want to take that chance. I faught tooth and nail for five years with my ex trying to show the good things this world has. I didn't win, but I just can't lose that. I need to see the beauty. I can't fight against who I am. I don't want to. I love that about myself. I love being able to find one little good thing about a bad day.

I can't get mad. Well sort of. I can but no one ever takes me seriously. I think it's because of how I do it. As mad as I am, it always sounds like it's not that bad. The only exception to this is me getting angry about my job. Usually though when I get mad, it turns into me getting more upset than angry. Half the time I'm mad though, I tend to hide it. The same with when I'm sad. Until I can put my finger on what's wrong and am ready to talk about it, I keep it bottled in. Because I can never explain it right, whatever it is, even after I'm ready. When I know I've done something wrong, I'll beat myself up for it mentally. It gets really bad. I tend to take things to heart way too easily, unless I know you're joking. But if I'm not sure, I'll replay it in my head over and over and actually give myself doubts. I'm the type of person who reacts to positive reinforcement. Negative works but it won't be what they want. Whatever it is will get done but I won't be happy about it and I'll be very short and avoid speaking to whoever. This is most evident at work. And if you haven't noticed by now, I can talk forever. I'm a social butterfly and a chatterbox. This is who I am.

What do you think? Want to take a chance?

Updates

10.21.09:
About Me Updated

09.21.08:
This journal celebrates five years!

Blog Crews

「Aiba Masaki」❀ Arashi
[Hanazawa Rui ❀ Yoon Ji Hoo] ☾ HYD .:. BBF

Just because everyone <3's blinkies.

Feel free to skip this. It's an Arashi fanfic I wrote back in March. Penguin wanted to read it but she can't access the forum post I did without joining it. XD

( [One-Shot] Happy Birthday Masaki - Masatoshi )